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document.write( " \n" ); document.write( "The Sports Gospel \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "January 30, 2007 \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "The Sports Gospel: Barbaro \n" ); document.write( "LIVES! \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "It is a sad week for planet Earth. Barbaro has been \n" ); document.write( "euthanized. I know what you’re thinking, so save the classless glue jokes. I \n" ); document.write( "don’t want to hear about Barbaro’s inability to outrun death with only 2.5 good \n" ); document.write( "legs or about how his future is now in scrap booking supplies. There are too \n" ); document.write( "many people hurting for cruel jokes. Fortunately, I have good news for his \n" ); document.write( "legions of fans. Wipe away your tears, because…Barbaro is alive! \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "Why would I share this with the legions of Barbaro fans? \n" ); document.write( "After all, they have chimed in with their thoughts of me, ranging from someone \n" ); document.write( "praying I get hit and killed by a semi-truck to a flight attendant who \n" ); document.write( "insinuated I was the worst person she’s heard of since 9/11. Here’s a brief \n" ); document.write( "sampling- \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( " \n" ); document.write( "Yet, \n" ); document.write( "during my time on the Barbaro beat (this is now my 3rd column on it), \n" ); document.write( "I’ve softened somewhat. I learned that this is a horse that people really, \n" ); document.write( "really, REALLY care about. Their obsession isn’t something to poke fun at or to \n" ); document.write( "ridicule. I could’ve kept this to myself and left them to grieve, but that’s \n" ); document.write( "just not who I am. Rejoice, animal fans- Barbaro lives. \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "How do \n" ); document.write( "I know this? Because I saw him this afternoon, with my very own eyes. I am 100% \n" ); document.write( "certain it was him. I was driving on a highway in SE Ohio and, in the distance, \n" ); document.write( "I saw Barbaro. He was trotting around a fenced-in field with several of his new \n" ); document.write( "friends, enjoying life away from the spotlight. He was completely healed and \n" ); document.write( "running without even a slight limp. It was truly miraculous. \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "Now, \n" ); document.write( "this stunning revelation does beg the question- why did he fake his own death? I \n" ); document.write( "have two theories. The first is that he merely longed to escape his lunatic \n" ); document.write( "fans. Anytime he so much as sneezed, thousands of supporters would rain their \n" ); document.write( "prayers, well-wishes and ballads on him via his message board. At this point, he \n" ); document.write( "had more crayon drawings by 3-year-old artists and poems from lonely, \n" ); document.write( "55-year-old women than he knew what to do with. He couldn’t even sell them on \n" ); document.write( "Ebay (given the fact that he’s a horse and, as we all know, regrettably, horses \n" ); document.write( "aren’t afforded the same purchasing power that humans are so he couldn’t buy a \n" ); document.write( "computer). \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "My \n" ); document.write( "second theory is that the expectations would’ve been too much for him to handle \n" ); document.write( "if he fully recovered. He knew that if he was able to run again that he would \n" ); document.write( "draw non-stop comparisons to planet Earth’s other great runner, Lance Armstrong. \n" ); document.write( "The only problem is that Barbaro knew he could never win another Kentucky Derby, \n" ); document.write( "let alone three or four more. He could never reach the bar that Lance set and \n" ); document.write( "probably didn’t want to live the rest of his life in that shadow. After all, \n" ); document.write( "Armstrong came back from cancer to dominate the Tour de France, so it was easier \n" ); document.write( "for Barbaro to let the world know he had “died” from a broken leg \n" ); document.write( "(when in reality the only \n" ); document.write( "problem a broken leg presents is being too selective when letting admirers sign \n" ); document.write( "your cast). He had \n" ); document.write( "peaked athletically, so it made sense for him to step out of the spotlight. \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "You \n" ); document.write( "may not believe me now, but you will someday. Maybe you will see Barbaro \n" ); document.write( "frolicking in a pasture near you or with a smile on his face riding a Jet-ski in \n" ); document.write( "the Caribbean. Maybe you will encounter him at a mid-western diner, accompanied \n" ); document.write( "by Elvis, and you will just know that he has fooled us all. \n" ); document.write( "Regardless, rest comfortably tonight knowing that the greatest horse that ever \n" ); document.write( "lived is still out there… somewhere. \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "It’s either that or the alternative- God got so annoyed by \n" ); document.write( "all the prayers for Barbaro that he decided to intervene. You can make up your \n" ); document.write( "own mind, but I know what I saw. \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( " \n" ); document.write( " \n" ); document.write( " \n" ); document.write( "Selected Archived Columns \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "Mark Chalifoux is a \n" ); document.write( "columnist for SportzNutz.com and SportsFan Magazine. He has written for ESPN and hosts \n" ); document.write( "Unabated Sports on Cincinnati’s ESPN Radio. \n" ); document.write( " You can reach him at \n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "\n" ); document.write( "Rockne48@und.com | \n" );
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