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The Jester’s Quart
July 28, 2006
The Jester’s Quart: Seattle’s Sonic Bust
It's as stereotypical as rain-soaked months and flannel
shirts tied around the waistbands of jean shorts, but the fact remains that the
good people of Seattle
consume an absurd amount of coffee.
Coffee bars, coffee shops, coffee in the hotel lobby, coffee at the gas station
- and all of it good. I'm not even sure they sell instant coffee at the
supermarket; it'd be like stacking cans of Chef Boyardee in Sicily. There are
even these bizarre little huts in strip mall parking lots that sell grab-and-go
espresso. Until I visited the city recently, I had no idea how much coffee there
actually was in Seattle. I haven't seen this many beans in one place since I
went to Lilith Fair with my ex-wife.
Seriously, coffee in
Seattle
is as prevalent as crack here in D.C., if crack were made of guns.
Coffee comes in different styles, different concentrations. Take, for example,
the news that the Seattle Supersonics have been sold to an ownership group
headed by Clay Bennett, who is president of the Oklahoma City-based investment
firm Dorchester Capital. The espresso - quick, blunt and effective - version of
the story is "SONICS SOLD, WILL MOVE TO OKC IN 2 YEARS." The latte version of
the story, however, is a drink of a different texture:
THE JAVA
The crux of this crisis for Sonics fans is KeyArena, a rusty '62 Chevy that was
given a fresh coat of paint in 1995. Howard Schultz, the venerable Starbucks
chairman-turned-Sonics owner who just stabbed his hometown franchise in the back
for $350 million, claimed the arena needed $200 million in upgrades in order for
the debt of that previous renovation to be eased and for the Sonics to eradicate
some of their annual loses. "Upgrades" of course meaning the kind of high-price
amenities that will lure new-money techies into luxury boxes while the plebeians
fight over $7 hot dogs.
There's no question the Sonics get killed on their lease, having to split suite
and concession revenue with the city. Schultz claims his ownership group has
lost more than $60 million since purchasing the Sonics and the WNBA's Seattle
Storm for $200 million in 2001. But what he really lost was the bet he made with
the city: that Seattle
taxpayers would pony up for arena renovations like they did for a new baseball
stadium and a new football stadium. That keeping the Sonics in Seattle was as
vital to the community as securing the future of the Seahawks and Mariners. It
was a major miscalculation, further intensified by a change in political
climate. You know you're fighting an uphill battle when the president of your
city council tells Sports Illustrated that the Sonics' cultural value was "close
to zero."
But what drove the Sonics to Oklahoma City ownership might actually keep them
from moving to OKC. The scenario is clear, if a bit danced around, by the new
owners: settle on a new lease with a renovated arena in 12 months, or the team
relocates to cowboy country. Bennett and his group are businessmen. If the city
antes up a sweet deal that knocks down debt and increases team revenues, there's
a chance the Bennett group might take it, especially if the New Orleans Hornets
somehow end up permanently staying in OKC (not likely, but more on that later).
Even if the owners turn down a sweetheart deal, the NBA could step in and reject
relocating the 39-year-old franchise (again, not likely, but possible).
Oh, and forget
this whiff of a column by Gregg Doyel of CBS Sportsline, arguing that
Oklahoma City is just a bargaining chip in an arena negotiation. He uses arcane
examples from Tampa Bay's and D.C.'s frustrating history of near-misses with MLB
franchises but completely misses the undeniable differences here: that the
Sonics have actually been sold to a local owner from Oklahoma City, and that OKC
has proven - unlike Tampa Bay when it headhunted any ball club that would fit
its boondoggle stadium - that it can enthusiastically support an NBA franchise.
THE MILK
This is no bargaining ploy: the Sonics should work on their lassoing skills
because they're headed to the ranch, son.
I've been told Clay Bennett is a man of his word, which is pretty easy when your
words sound like this: "We intend to honor the lease. We just need to work
through that as part of a global solution to the overall effort."
A quick spin of the Okie decoder ring, and that's translated as "just be happy
we're not taking the Space Needle with us."
Oklahoma City is going to have an NBA franchise in two years, and it's either going
to be the Seattle Supersonics or the New Orleans Hornets. The former is a slam
dunk: owned locally, stuck in an antiquated arena with an unfavorable lease and
a hostile political environment. The latter is a bit trickier: the Hornets have
already been embraced by Okies, will play part of their home schedule there next
year, and weren't exactly "Les Mis" when it came to moving tickets at the box
office in the Big Easy. David Stern has said they'll return to
New Orleans because he has to say things like that when Hornets fans
are still rebuilding their Katrina-ravaged lives. But tragedies pass and
institutional guilt subsides...or am I the only one waiting for the New York
Super Bowl Tagliabue spoke about post-9/11?
There is another scenario, however: the Sonics go to OKC, and the Hornets
relocate to KC for the 2008-09 season.
Kansas City's Sprint Center
is scheduled to open in Fall 2007. Like the arena in
Oklahoma City,
it's part of a multi-million dollar revitalization campaign that's missing just
one thing: a team of its own. If the NBA decides the local owners should be able
to lay claim on OKC, and New Orleans is deemed unsuitable for the transient Hornets,
Kansas City could be an NBA
city following the NBA's all-star swan song in New Orleans in 2008.
These two Midwestern cities are the epicenter of the next great pro sports
revolution. They are starving for teams like California and Florida were 15
years ago, and are willing to make concessions and guarantees other cities
aren't willing to make to land them. They're the ugly girls who have to put out
to land a prom date. (Of course, when you're talking about the Sonics and
Hornets, maybe it's the captain of the bowling team rather than the football
team.)
A quick aside:
The above scenario just underlines what you, dear readers, have known for years,
which is that Gary Bettman is a jackass. Could have had Oklahoma City in the
late-90's, opted for Columbus (yawn) instead. Could have Sidney Crosby in
Kansas City, but will allow a bunch of blue-haired slot addicts
to bail out the Penguins in
Pittsburgh. I fully expect
that within 10 years, the NBA will be selling out in OKC and KC while Bettman's
giving a lecture about the "cost certainty" needed to keep the Seattle Panthers
afloat...
THE VANILLA
I was only in Seattle
for a few days, and I'm not about to draw conclusions about a population based
on that visit. But I did find Shane Day's letter to the Seattle Times on Sunday
interesting in the context of this debate:
"I always think it's interesting how people in Seattle have negative attitudes
toward basketball, which is dominated by black players and appeals more to the
black community, while we look kindly on the Mariners and Seahawks, which draw
more of a white audience. Yet another example of institutional racism, don't you
think? [City Council President] Nick Licata should think about that."
Like I said, I'll let that comment stand, only to add that there are three
professional teams in
Seattle:
two with brand new stadiums, and one headed for
Oklahoma City.
THE FOAM
What's clear about the Sonics is that they are the third team in that three-team
town. Seahawks gear is everywhere, from the racks in tourist clothing stores to
the backs of local fans. Mariners baseball is treated with a reverence and
fervor I didn't anticipate, until I thought about all of those hours logged
watching the Griffey teams and the Ichiro teams. There's a generation that grew
up with this franchise, and a generation behind that one that still supports it.
Then there are the Sonics. I didn't see a single person walking around in a
Seattle jersey while I was there, and it was about 90 degrees outside. I didn't
even see one at the NBA Experience fair held last weekend in the shadow of the
Space Needle - save for the prop jersey the NBA provided to the carnival
barker/DJ at the event. Another telltale signal: the bars don't have Sonics
signs in their windows, next to the neon ones for football and baseball.
"Fan Enthusiasm" is a tricky factor in determining whether it's time for a
franchise to move on because so much of it has to do with management and
on-court success. The team drew over 17,000 fans a game from 1995-99, with an
NBA Finals appearance sandwiched in there. From 2000-04, the team couldn't crack
an average of 15,700 because it stunk like week-old Seattle salmon. But for
close to 40 years,
Seattle has been a basketball town, or at least a town with
basketball.
Oklahoma City has been one for one season, and a partial one at that. When the
Sonics move - OK, for the sake of those poor caffeinated souls in the Northwest,
IF THEY MOVE - there will be
years of prosperity and years where there are more bulls at the rodeo than fans
at the arena.
Basketball's a lot like coffee that way: a good cup is addictive, but enough bad
ones and you'll break the habit.
Just ask the Sonics.
Get Greg Wyshynski's new book,
"Glow Pucks & 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History,"
available in stores and online now!
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Published on the web and www.SportsFanMagazine.com since 1997, "The Jester's Quart" is a weekly satirical look at sports, pop culture and why NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is a jackass. Columnist Greg Wyshynski is the Senior Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" can be ordered now. Email Wyshynski at jestersquart@hotmail.com.
