The Jester’s Quart

June 30, 2006

The Jester’s Quart: My Favorite Sports Stars

When people ask me if I've always been a sportswriter, I tell them the ugly truth: that my first jobs out of college were, in fact, in the wicked world of public relations.

(And then I tell them that I got out of PR because I grew tired of coming home with bullshit on my breath...)

I spent plenty of time performing the various functions of market research. The debilitating rejection of walk-up surveys in public places. The hilarious reactions to on-spot product testing in local supermarkets. ("It says sample...is it free?" "I know this is supposed to be ice cream, but it tastes like chlorine. Write that on your little pad, idiot...") The voyeuristic pleasures of focus group research, in which a room of 8-12 people talk amongst themselves while trying to ignore the 12-foot-long mirror they just know is hiding about 25 people recording every word.

In the end, every survey or group study boiled down to one thing: context. Ask a question as open-ended as possible, and allow the respondent to provide their own context for the answer. Narrow the focus too much, and it pollutes the sample.

Harris Interactive is one of the most well-known and well-respected opinion research organizations in America. Every year, it asks thousands of sports fans one question, and the fans provide their own context. The question: "Who is your favorite sports star?"

Some interpret the question to mean "currently." Others see it as "all-time." It's a bit like "who is your favorite President?" Of all-time? William Howard Taft, because I love any President who couldn't beat David Wells in a foot race. Currently? Rod Thorn of the Nets, for taking Marcus Williams 22nd overall in the NBA Draft.



"Who is your favorite sports star?" Harris asked 2,085 adults, 18 years-old and older, and for the first time since 1993, the No. 1 answer wasn't "Michael Jordan." He dropped to the second spot, with last year's No. 3 athlete, Tiger Woods, now claiming the crown as the most popular male athlete. The rest of the list featured Brett Favre (No. 3), Derek Jeter (No. 4), Dale Earnhardt, Jr. (No. 5), Shaquille O'Neal (No. 6), Kobe Bryant (No. 7), LeBron James (No. 8), Jeff Gordon (tied, No. 9) and Barry Bonds (tied, No. 9). The poll was conducted between May 9 and 16, 2006; Peyton Manning (last year's No. 2), Tom Brady (No. 7), Donovan McNabb (No. 9) and Ben Rothlisberger (No. 10) all dropped off the list this year, proving once and for all that the NFL really shouldn't coddle quarterbacks because we all really don't care about them anyway.

The survey goes on to break down the sample in geographical (Jeter's huge in the East, Jordan in the South) and demographic (Baby Boomers love MJ, while seniors love Tiger) terms. And the paucity of female sports stars on an accompanying list was pretty hilarious; before Danica Patrick and Sasha Cohen made the Top 10 this year, Mary Lou Retton was still being ranked as one of the most popular female sports stars in the nation. I wonder how close Babe Didrikson was to making the cut?

What the survey does not do is explain the reasoning for these rankings, which in its defense is not something it set out to accomplish. But if someone asked me "who is your favorite sports star?" my immediate response would be to name an athlete I'd either pay to see or make time to watch compete. That's my context. I'd also not mention Michael Jordan, because if I want to pay to see him compete today, I'd have to rent "Space Jam."

With that criteria set, here are "my favorite sports stars":

10. Ray Lewis, Football

Simply the most dominant defensive player in the NFL since Lawrence Taylor, in the sense that opposing teams game-plan around him. The dynamic nature of his game fuels the fire of the entire Ravens defense, and as a hockey guy who appreciated Scott Stevens for that very reason, I'll watch Lewis every chance I get. In fact, I want to watch a game with a camera solely on Ray so I can see every single time he blows up a running back with a hit or makes a subtle play to kill an offensive drive. I might be the only one watching, but I'd be watching.

9. Steve Nash, Basketball

I marvel at Nash's ability to run a game while also acting as the Suns' top offensive threat. I also marvel at the kind of respect he's given by opponents off the dribble, because his speed to the basket is just as good as his outside shot. And I really, really marvel at the fact that it's a guy who looks like he should be tailgating before a Phish show that's doing it all.

8. Terrell Owens, Football

How can you not watch him? On a good day, he can take over a game at a position where you really aren't supposed to be able to take over a game on your own. On a bad day, there's going to be at least one classic T.O. temper tantrum on the sideline. That fact that he's on America's Most Hated Team only makes him more compelling.

7. Floyd Mayweather Jr., Boxing

Pound for pound, the best around, and seriously one of the only boxers worth a second of your time. The IBF welterweight champ will make you believe in the sport again, even after watching lumbering dolts like Hasim Rahman turn the heavyweight division into the tomato can aisle at the supermarket.

6. Sidney Crosby, Hockey

He had 102 points as a teenage rookie, and I'm convinced he lost the Calder because he simply didn't have the "wow" factor that Ovechkin did this season. Eventually, he's going to score a goal or make a pass that's going to make every highlight reel in the world. Too bad for Penguins fans that he'll be playing Kansas City when he does it.

5. Kobe Bryant, Basketball

One of the only true villains left in professional sports. What makes him so compelling is what makes him so loathsome: that he's that good, and that he knows it. In that regard, he's more like Jordan than this next guy is. But...

4. LeBron James, Basketball

The single most exciting player in the NBA since Michael retired. Anyone who watched his series against the Wizards saw a player come into his own, not only as a shoe commercial-worthy star but as a clutch player who demands your attention every time he touches the ball. He'll look great in a Knicks uniform a few years from now.

3. Pedro Martinez, Baseball

Offense in baseball has gotten to the point of self-parody; give me defense and pitching. Specifically, give me Pedro, whose unpredictability lends it to repeat viewing. He's a Cy Young candidate one day, and the Red Sox's personal batting practice machine the next. He's the most exciting pitcher the Mets have had since Dwight Gooden in 1985.

2. Michael Vick, Football

Don't tell me how he'll never win or how overrated he is: when Michael Vick steps onto an NFL field, there isn't a player in the league that can hold his jock when it comes to the sheer thrill of watching him play the game. Favre used to be this fun, simply because with the ball in his hand, anything could happen. Vick has the same ability, but takes it further: his jimmy legs paint him into so many corners; it's nearly worth to the price of admission to see how he escapes his own mistakes.

1. Alexander Ovechkin, Hockey

Of modern athletes, Vick comes the closest to creating a new prototype for his position and his sport. But Ovechkin, in one season, rewrote the rules in a season where his league had already rewritten the rules. I've been watching hockey all my life: I've never seen a combination of speed, physicality, offense and velocity like this before. Does he hang at the blue line when he should be deep in his own defensive zone? Of course, but I'm not paying to watch him play defense - I'm paying to watch the kid snap the twine with a shot I've never seen delivered quite like he does.

But beyond his talent, there's something else Ovechkin has that many of the athletes on my list and the Harris list lack: joy. A palpable, honest-to-God delight for playing the game he loves. He may never live up to the legend we've already written for him...but what a pleasure it will be to watch him try.

 

 

Get Greg Wyshynski's new book, "Glow Pucks & 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History," available in stores and online now! "The only folks who won't like this book are employers, whose employees will spend the day around the water cooler arguing over which idea was worse: the overtime shootout or Disco Demolition Night. Just as I had successfully eliminated some of these horrendous sports ideas from my memory bank, here comes Greg Wyshynski putting 'em on a tee, inviting readers to take a swing. Great stuff." -- Ernie Johnson, TNT's "Inside the NBA"

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Published on the web and www.SportsFanMagazine.com since 1997, "The Jester's Quart" is a weekly satirical look at sports, pop culture and why NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is a jackass. Columnist Greg Wyshynski is the Senior Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" can be ordered now. Email Wyshynski at jestersquart@hotmail.com.