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Jester’s Quart
January 20, 2006
The Jester’s Quart: Please Shut Up, Peyton
Plausible deniability.
According to Wikipedia, it's the term given to the creation of loose and
informal chains of command in government, which allow controversial instructions
given by high-ranking officials to be denied if they become public.
According to me, it's a concept Peyton Manning really needs to wrap his brain
around.
The White House has been leaking like the plumbing on the Titanic. Who takes the
fall? Bush? Cheney? Nope...it's a grown man named "Scooter"
Plausible deniability.
The United States military has made it a policy to torture "terror" suspects in
super-duper top secret jails placed around the world. Who takes the fall? Rummy?
Condi? Probably, in the end, some Lynndie England-esque rube who's snapping
souvenir photos of a guy in a dog collar that's about to get electrocuted.
Plausible deniability.
People in power should keep their noses clean. That's the difference between
presidents and assistants for national security affairs to the vice president.
That's the difference between cabinet secretaries and soldiers. That's the
difference between criminal masterminds and the guy the cops end up busting.
Who's more menacing: Goldfinger or Oddjob? One had a hat he could use as a
weapon; the other had a laser that could roast your nuts. You tell me.
We all know Peyton's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier because he is,
after all, Archie's son and did, after all, attend the University of Tennessee.
But he is considered to be the best quarterback in the NFL, heading into his
sixth Pro Bowl. He is considered one of the brightest stars in the league; so
bright that the NFL will actually fix games for him, according to Joey Porter.
Peyton was the unquestioned leader of what many considered to be the team to
beat for the Super Bowl championship. True story: the Indy Star had already
written 16 chapters of a book about the Colts' Super Bowl season when the team
was eliminated. Now they might was well turn the thing over to James Frey and
have him pretend the team did end up winning it all.
The Colts were a team of destiny; Manning's destiny.
Then came the Steelers. Then came 21-18.
And then Peyton started talking. "I'm trying to be a good teammate here. Let's
just say we had some problems in protection. I'll give Pittsburgh credit for the
blitzes and their rush. Those guys rushed. But we did have some protection
problems," he said after the loss.
Plausible
deniability? Try an implausible irrationality. I know emotions are high and
blame needs to be shared when your championship dreams are crushed in such a
heartbreaking way, but what the hell was he thinking? He's the captain, and now
he's slagging the hardest working men on the ship in front of the media after a
game in which his QB rating was 90.9? This should not be coming from Peyton
Manning. These are sentiments that Reggie Wayne or Dallas Clark or Brandon
Stokley should be making FOR Peyton. This is criticism that Tony Dungy should be
publicizing and then absorbing the backlash for. This is scuttlebutt leaked to
the press AFTER Peyton's had it out behind closed doors with his line.
This is not something Peyton Manning, as the leader of this football team,
should have to or choose to say to the media, because now he looks like the
biggest dick on the planet.
From the great DJ Gallo on ESPN's Page
2: "There are some people who will call Peyton Manning the
dreaded 'C' word today. Yeah ... 'choker.' But calling him a choker simply isn't
fair, because Peyton Manning is far more than someone who fails when it counts
year after year after year. For instance, he's also someone who throws his
teammates under the bus, which -- it goes without saying -- is something every
quarterback and team leader should try to do whenever possible."
From Mark Kreidler of the Sacramento
Bee: "As solid a citizen as Manning appears to be - good-guy
public image, socially conscious, lighthearted commercials, provider of
Hurricane Katrina aid - it's just an incredibly lunkheaded thing to say, even in
the wake of a tough loss."
From Bob Plain on TheSimon.com:
"It will be hard for Manning to rally the troops for another go-around,
especially since this was by far the best team Manning will probably ever play
for. Perhaps the Colts' best bet is to dump Manning and bring in a less
talented, less expensive quarterback."
Bill Polian, team president of the Indianapolis Colts, has rushed to his
investment's defense over the last few days, including this response on
Colts.com: "You're never going to be 100 percent politically correct in that
situation. I don't worry about it. I told the team this morning, 'Everything
that is written and said is irrelevant. Understand that it's irrelevant and
don't even bother with it. Don't listen to it. Don't read it. Just move on.
Let's get better.' I'm not going to put a lot of stock in that. I think far too
much is made of what's said. Sometimes, their agenda can become your agenda and
if that happens, you lose."
What a load of crap! The quarterback for the best offense in football laid the
blame for his shortcomings at the feet of his offensive linemen - all in the
name of being a "good teammate." Polian can paint it as a poor choice of words
amplified by a nefarious media eager to tear down the Colts and good guy
Manning; in reality, it was a team leader turning on his brothers in their most
dire moment.
Tom Brady gets his linemen in credit card commercials.
Peyton Manning blames them for playoff losses.
I guess that's why one guy is two rings away from a full hand, and the other guy
is rapidly becoming this generation's Dan Marino.
The bottom line is that Manning has fractured a sacred trust between himself and
his team with this unbelievably classless and selfish postgame statement. That
his comments were valid is beside the point. If he has a beef with the line,
keep it in the locker room. If the media needs to be involved in order to get
the point across, then have someone else be the messenger so a squeaky-clean
image and the stature of being a virtuous leader can remain intact for Manning.
There are seven months before training camp. That's enough time to find some
henchmen, Peyton, so you can keep that pie hole shut after losses like this, and
keep from insulting the only men who are paid to care whether or not you end up
on your ass after every play.
DOWN THE
AMAZON
My friend Andrew Stanger up in New York let me in on a fun game he's been
playing in anticipation of my book
"Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History," which
will hit the streets in April.
He's been
going on Amazon.com to see where the book is ranked and what books are
currently more popular in the Amazon rankings. This amuses him for two reasons:
My book isn't available yet, hence the ranking is quite high.
He's an idiot that is amused by the tint and contrast buttons on his monitor,
let alone a functioning web page like Amazon.com.
So, thanks to Stanger, I will present each week my competition on the Amazon.com
rankings, where I was No. 891,646 yesterday. Which meant my book was less
popular than:
No. 891,645: "International Litigation Strategies and Practice : International Practitioner's Deskbook Series (International Practitioner's Deskbook Series)" by Legum Barton.
No. 891,639. "Song of the soul: An introduction to the Namokar Mantra and the science of sound" by H. H. Acharya Sushil Kumarji Maharaj (Out of Print--Limited Availability)
That's right...I'm losing a book you can't even buy anymore. Sheesh!
RANDOM
THOUGHTS
I was really feeling good about the New York Jets bringing in
Eric Mangini as their head
coach until Giants Fan sitting next to me at work called him "Mangina"...
Meanwhile, Patriots Fan
- an old favorite in this column - has been wondering why I haven't addressed
New England's playoff flop this season in the JQ. I would have been happy to
share some thoughts this week...but after hearing Theo Epstein is back with the
Red Sox, I imagine he and the rest of the Sons of Sam Horn will be too busy
fellating each other while watching their 2004 ALCS highlight DVDs for the next
several weeks to read whatever it is I'd have written...
That said, I am upset that the Pats
couldn't knock off Denver because it brings the Broncos one step closer to
creating the single most unappealing Super Bowl match-up in recent memory:
Denver and Carolina. Bleech! I might be watching for the commercials this year
if those two yawners are playing...
The Pittsburgh Penguins
are for sale, and Mario Lemieux has indicated that the only way to keep the
franchise in Pittsburgh is if a new arena is built by a casino, and that's if it
gets a slot machine license in the city.
So the only way to save the sport is with slot machines.
It was bad enough when hockey was being compared to soccer; now it's sunk down
to horse racing's level?
And finally, Howard Stern
revealed that he's had a nose job within the last nine years.
And having seen him within the last nine years, I really, really hope he kept
his receipt...
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Published on the web and
www.SportsFanMagazine.com since 1997,
"The
Jester's Quart" is a weekly
satirical look at sports, pop culture and why NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is a
jackass. Columnist Greg Wyshynski is the Features Editor for SportsFan Magazine
in Washington DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of
Northern Virginia. His book “Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in
Sports History” will be published in Spring 2006. Email Wyshynski at
jestersquart@hotmail.com.
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